as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We are all done wearing pants today
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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