I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
