HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
