When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
