dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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