Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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