While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
