Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
