i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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