pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
