i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
