I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
