She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
