he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
