i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Please don't give away my fajitas
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
