Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
apparently the secret to your success is patron
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
