I wannas sexs uuuuu
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
