So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
