Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Barsexuality is the new black.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
