what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
