i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
