If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
