she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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