I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
