The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
