If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
