Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
