I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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