he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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