You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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