If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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