I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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