Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
