Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
