your room smells of hookers.
And success
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
