What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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