Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
