Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We talked him into tasing himself.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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