im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
