Grow some girl-balls and come out already
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
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