Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
