I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
