if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
