I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dicks are not precious.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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