No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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