So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
