thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
