there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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