Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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