doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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