and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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