got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I could fuck to npr.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
